First meeting with Tyler

So I have my first meeting with Tyler this Friday morning at 10:00.  I'm so nervous because I hope he is healthy and intelligent and I am shoving aside my fears about his Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS).  Can I raise a child with disabilities?  That's not consistent with the vision of my family that I have in my head . . . but he's a child who needs loving parents at LEAST as much as a "normal" child.  My friend Janet has taught me so much about loving special children . . . His challenges are going to be difficult enough already - would not a loving family offer his some relief from the struggles he's bound to face?

I guess I just wish I knew more about him - already I know that it is the expectation of Social Services that we will offer him a forever home.  If I have to decline adopting him, what will become of him?  No child deserves to be bounced from family to family, only to be rejected again and again.  I just wonder how many families have found themselves in such an uncertain position - expected to adopt a child while never even having seen a photograph of him . . . and I didn't even know he existed three weeks ago.

I'm trusting that God has His fingers in this - and that I'm the mother that He is expecting me to be.  Uncharacteristically, Ronnie, Sebastian and I went to church on Sunday at Hope Community.  The message really seemed to speak directly to me and my fears - the sermon was titled "It Is People Like You. . . " the bullet points of the message on the bulletin were:

Hope (Hope Community Church) has people:

• Who are taking God-honoring steps
• Who are willing to take risks
• Who reflect God's heart
• Who are changing the world, one person at a time

To me it felt like a direct message; maybe most good sermons speak to whatever challenge or fears you may be facing.  But, I thought, what could be riskier, more God-honoring, more God-reflecting, and more world-changing than finding the courage to accept someone else's discarded child?  I know what I am supposed to do - I just pray that God sticks with me on this one.  I can't bear the thought of adding my name to the list of adults of people who have failed Tyler.