Tuesday, May 10, 2022
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Parenting Dilemma - Could use some advice.
So today at the bus stop, Sebastian dropped his most prized possession, the iPod Touch that my father gave him and cracked the glass screen. He is devastated. So now I am faced with a dilemma. . .
Part of me feels like this is an opportunity to let him learn a painful lesson about the value of money and possessions. I can have the iPod fixed for about $90.00. When Sebastian does all of his chores, he is eligible to get up to like $10.00 per week in allowance. But, often he doesn't do them all. My first instinct is to tell him that I will have it fixed and he can have it back when he has repaid me for the repairs.
On the other hand, the mommy in me who hates to see him so unhappy thinks it's cruel to keep the thing he loves the most away from him through the summer. Isn't it kind of unreasonable to expect him to work for 12 weeks (assuming he earns $7/week in allowance) to get it back?
I have to confess that I feel a certain level of responsibility for what happened. I should not have let him carry around such a delicate and slippery object unprotected. If it had been in a rugged neoprene case, it might have been cushioned enough to not break, or it may not have slipped out of his fingers in the first place.
Finally, I am asking myself if I would be so harsh if it had been Ronnie or me who broke our iPod. Would I insist that Ronnie forfeit the "blow money" that we budget in to pay for it? We are currently trying to adhere to a very strict budget (the $90 would have to come out somewhere else, like the dining out fund or the transfer to savings fund). . . . Or would I just have it fixed for him and take the opportunity to nag him about it relentlessly? (Don't answer that.)
Anyway - any and all opinions and advice would be much appreciated. ~~~Erica
Part of me feels like this is an opportunity to let him learn a painful lesson about the value of money and possessions. I can have the iPod fixed for about $90.00. When Sebastian does all of his chores, he is eligible to get up to like $10.00 per week in allowance. But, often he doesn't do them all. My first instinct is to tell him that I will have it fixed and he can have it back when he has repaid me for the repairs.
On the other hand, the mommy in me who hates to see him so unhappy thinks it's cruel to keep the thing he loves the most away from him through the summer. Isn't it kind of unreasonable to expect him to work for 12 weeks (assuming he earns $7/week in allowance) to get it back?
I have to confess that I feel a certain level of responsibility for what happened. I should not have let him carry around such a delicate and slippery object unprotected. If it had been in a rugged neoprene case, it might have been cushioned enough to not break, or it may not have slipped out of his fingers in the first place.
Finally, I am asking myself if I would be so harsh if it had been Ronnie or me who broke our iPod. Would I insist that Ronnie forfeit the "blow money" that we budget in to pay for it? We are currently trying to adhere to a very strict budget (the $90 would have to come out somewhere else, like the dining out fund or the transfer to savings fund). . . . Or would I just have it fixed for him and take the opportunity to nag him about it relentlessly? (Don't answer that.)
Anyway - any and all opinions and advice would be much appreciated. ~~~Erica
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tyler visit number 3, just Tyler and me
Synopsis of today’s visit . . .
I picked Tyler up at 10:30, and I asked him if he’s like to go feed the ducks. He said yes, so we drove to Green’s Feed to buy some hen scratch.
While we were waiting for the clerk to bag up the duck food, I asked him if his mommy had talked to him about maybe coming to stay with us.
He didn’t really give me an answer or seem to want to discuss it – so I let it drop.
We went to Virginia Lake and fed the ducks. He asked me lots of questions about my dogs and cats, and whether I had flowers at my house.
I told him I had the two dogs at home, and we have two cats at work. I told him that we had some goldfish in a barrel at my house, and he asked me if they were little fish. I said no, they are like this big and held my hand up with my thumb and index finger spread as wide as I could (the fish are like 8” long). He said he likes little goldfish and I said that if he came to stay at our house, we could get him a bowl with little goldfish. I asked him if he wanted to go to my job later and see my cats, and he said yes.
After feeding the ducks, we went to Meadowood Mall and he built a camouflage bear at Build A Bear Workshop. Leaving the mall, he wanted to talk about dogs. He said he had two dogs (I am guessing he was either making it up entirely or referring to his natural family), a large one named Ham (or something like that), and a little dog whose name was “Stacy, like your dog.” (My dog’s name is Sadie.) He spoke of having a big house that got small, and then he went to like with the Tongan family (he used that term). I asked him how he felt about that, and he shrugged and said “Fine.” I asked him, if he came to stay with me, did he want his room decorated in Spiderman? He initially said yes, then seemed to change his mind. He said his room has Spiderman stuff, but that now he wants Spongebob. He said not Spongebob, but Patrick (a Spongebob show character). He said his favorite colors are pink and purple, and Patrick is pink. I told him that if he came to stay with us, I would decorate his room with Patrick stuff. I asked him again if his mommy had talked to him about why he couldn’t stay there. He didn’t answer directly, but he said he’d like to stay either with his mommy or me. I acted all surprised and said, “You would come stay with me?” He said yes.
After that, we drove over to my job so he could see where I work and he saw my cats. He met my business partner, Guy, and was very friendly, not shy at all. I introduced Guy to Tyler as my best friend (significance will become clear in a minute). They shook hands, we played with Sebastian’s toys for a few minutes. Then, we went to McDonald’s on Kietzke near Vassar. I got him a Happy Meal but all he would eat was two of the four nuggets.
By then, it was time to head to school. On the way, he said he didn’t want to go to school. I asked Tyler did he not want to see his friends; he said no. I asked him who his best friend at school was, and he said “Guy, like your friend.” I don’t know if that’s true, or if he just has a habit of mimicking. At school I goy him all signed in and found out more about his school schedule (he is out for the year after June 9). Before I left he said he was going to ask his dad if I could come get him and we could do more fun stuff. I told him that was fine and if his dad said that was ok, I would come get him. I told him that I would see him Friday either way. He gave me a hug after a little coaxing and I waved him a cheerful goodbye!
I picked Tyler up at 10:30, and I asked him if he’s like to go feed the ducks. He said yes, so we drove to Green’s Feed to buy some hen scratch.
While we were waiting for the clerk to bag up the duck food, I asked him if his mommy had talked to him about maybe coming to stay with us.
He didn’t really give me an answer or seem to want to discuss it – so I let it drop.
We went to Virginia Lake and fed the ducks. He asked me lots of questions about my dogs and cats, and whether I had flowers at my house.
After that, we drove over to my job so he could see where I work and he saw my cats. He met my business partner, Guy, and was very friendly, not shy at all. I introduced Guy to Tyler as my best friend (significance will become clear in a minute). They shook hands, we played with Sebastian’s toys for a few minutes. Then, we went to McDonald’s on Kietzke near Vassar. I got him a Happy Meal but all he would eat was two of the four nuggets.
Tyler's opinion
So I got this in an email from Tyler's case worker social worker after the second play date:
"After talking to (his foster mom) she said that he told her that he had fun but is still very hesitant about going to live with you guys which is totally understandable for the little guy . . . . "
Very hesitant? I consider that an enormous victory. If I were Tyler I would be better described as "adamantly opposed to."
Second Play Date
It went well too! Sebastian and I went to Tyler's preschool to pick him up Monday afternoon. He looked like he was expecting us - he told his little friends to say hello to "Jessica" (meaning me). We got him all signed out and the three of us headed to the car. At first he said he didn't want to go do anything, he just wanted to go to his mommy's house. I said that he couldn't go home right away because no one was home and asked them if they wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese or Build A Bear Workshop. Then, Tyler blurted out "bowling." So we set sail for Coconut Bowl near the water park in Sparks. En route, Tyler said that when we got there, he was just going to take a nap because he didn't want to play. Sebastian enthusiastically explained that he would change his mind when we got inside.
Tyler dug in his heels when it came to renting the bowling shoes, so we switched the shoes for High Ballocity wristbands (High Ballocity is an enclosed multi-level play structure like you see in the big McDonald's restaurants, but much larger). Then, he did not want to go into the play area no matter how hard Sebastian tried to coax him, so I shrugged and put Sebastian's wrist band on him and he disappeared inside. Within about 2 minutes, Tyler decided he better go check on Sea Bass - and that was that.
Ronnie showed up and met Tyler, who was very shy . . . poor kid. But the three of them did some kids bowling, where I noticed that Tyler appears to totally lack and "taking turns" skills. Hmmmmmm. I let it slide, since I will need to have a much better understanding of his behaviors before I even start to think of how to improve them.
Then, Sea Bass and I took him home and walked him to his door, much waving and shouts of goodbye . . . . and Sebastian and I headed out to Lemmon Valley for our Monday night Financial Peace University class at church.
Next play date is Wednesday morning, just Tyler and me, no Sea Bass. I'll keep you posted!
Friday, May 07, 2010
First Play Date
Well, the first play date was this morning and it went better than I hoped. Sebastian was a pro at persuading Tyler to play. His foster mom is really nice too; she seems very supportive and encouraging. Our next activity will be on Monday - Sebastian and I will pick him up from school at 4:30 and do something fun, then take him home by 7. Already looking forward to it!
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Meeting Tyler
Tomorrow is the big day - we meet Friday morning at 10:00 at Paradise Park. I'd like to bring him a gift, but I have no idea what he likes! Does his family allow him exposure to pop culture things like Spiderman? I am going to white a letter to his foster mom and tell her that we have similar faiths and that we hope to maintain his relationship with them. I'd really like to get that line of communication open.
I am wrestling with whether or not to bring Sebastian to this first meeting. At first I was sure that I should, I know I'm not totally objective because I love him so much, but I am sure that he is as compassionate and empathetic and a six year old could possibly be. I initially felt like he would be the perfect ambassador to make Tyler feel more comfortable at the first meeting . . . rather than Tyler just looking at me.
The social workers recommended, though, that I go alone. They think that establishing his connection with me first was important. I thought about it for a long time and came to agree - that he and I should have a quiet introduction and a little conversation.
Then I went looking for advice, and asked for some here, at Adoption.com. The parents there who answered my post all seemed to feel that it may be more realistic that Tyler would bond with Sebastian first, not me.
So now, I just don't know. I have 24 hours to make up my mind . . . .
Also - I want to bring someone to take pictures. Is that weird? I was thinking just a few taken through a long lens . . . but if he winds up permanently in our family - won't I want something from that first meeting for the scrapbook? On the other hand . . . if it goes badly, we may all want to forget tomorrow . . . I just don't know.
I am wrestling with whether or not to bring Sebastian to this first meeting. At first I was sure that I should, I know I'm not totally objective because I love him so much, but I am sure that he is as compassionate and empathetic and a six year old could possibly be. I initially felt like he would be the perfect ambassador to make Tyler feel more comfortable at the first meeting . . . rather than Tyler just looking at me.
The social workers recommended, though, that I go alone. They think that establishing his connection with me first was important. I thought about it for a long time and came to agree - that he and I should have a quiet introduction and a little conversation.
Then I went looking for advice, and asked for some here, at Adoption.com. The parents there who answered my post all seemed to feel that it may be more realistic that Tyler would bond with Sebastian first, not me.
So now, I just don't know. I have 24 hours to make up my mind . . . .
Also - I want to bring someone to take pictures. Is that weird? I was thinking just a few taken through a long lens . . . but if he winds up permanently in our family - won't I want something from that first meeting for the scrapbook? On the other hand . . . if it goes badly, we may all want to forget tomorrow . . . I just don't know.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Financial Peace University
So our friends Darin and Kenna invited us to join them for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University series at Lemmon Valley Calvary Church of the Nazarene. It's a 13 week course to help us pay off debt and grow our savings. We're very excited about this next chapter in our lives - as everyone who knows us is aware, by dear husband is a born shopper! With our beautiful house and all of our fun toys, we have plenty of debt! But we're really looking forward to becoming disciplined and gaining control of our finances, rather that being slaves to our finances! So, thank you Darin and Kenna - we're thrilled to be on this journey with you!
Oh, and - without outing anyone who would prefer that it remain private that they are attending a series of money management classes - some other friends from our summer camping group were there too! So funny - only like 20 people in a class at a church I had never been to before - and we go camping with three other couples who are participating! We're so blessed. . . .
Darin and Ronnie
Darin and Kenna with Jazmine
Oh, and - without outing anyone who would prefer that it remain private that they are attending a series of money management classes - some other friends from our summer camping group were there too! So funny - only like 20 people in a class at a church I had never been to before - and we go camping with three other couples who are participating! We're so blessed. . . .
First meeting with Tyler
So I have my first meeting with Tyler this Friday morning at 10:00. I'm so nervous because I hope he is healthy and intelligent and I am shoving aside my fears about his Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). Can I raise a child with disabilities? That's not consistent with the vision of my family that I have in my head . . . but he's a child who needs loving parents at LEAST as much as a "normal" child. My friend Janet has taught me so much about loving special children . . . His challenges are going to be difficult enough already - would not a loving family offer his some relief from the struggles he's bound to face?
I guess I just wish I knew more about him - already I know that it is the expectation of Social Services that we will offer him a forever home. If I have to decline adopting him, what will become of him? No child deserves to be bounced from family to family, only to be rejected again and again. I just wonder how many families have found themselves in such an uncertain position - expected to adopt a child while never even having seen a photograph of him . . . and I didn't even know he existed three weeks ago.
I'm trusting that God has His fingers in this - and that I'm the mother that He is expecting me to be. Uncharacteristically, Ronnie, Sebastian and I went to church on Sunday at Hope Community. The message really seemed to speak directly to me and my fears - the sermon was titled "It Is People Like You. . . " the bullet points of the message on the bulletin were:
Hope (Hope Community Church) has people:
To me it felt like a direct message; maybe most good sermons speak to whatever challenge or fears you may be facing. But, I thought, what could be riskier, more God-honoring, more God-reflecting, and more world-changing than finding the courage to accept someone else's discarded child? I know what I am supposed to do - I just pray that God sticks with me on this one. I can't bear the thought of adding my name to the list of adults of people who have failed Tyler.
I guess I just wish I knew more about him - already I know that it is the expectation of Social Services that we will offer him a forever home. If I have to decline adopting him, what will become of him? No child deserves to be bounced from family to family, only to be rejected again and again. I just wonder how many families have found themselves in such an uncertain position - expected to adopt a child while never even having seen a photograph of him . . . and I didn't even know he existed three weeks ago.
I'm trusting that God has His fingers in this - and that I'm the mother that He is expecting me to be. Uncharacteristically, Ronnie, Sebastian and I went to church on Sunday at Hope Community. The message really seemed to speak directly to me and my fears - the sermon was titled "It Is People Like You. . . " the bullet points of the message on the bulletin were:
Hope (Hope Community Church) has people:
- Who are taking God-honoring steps
- Who are willing to take risks
- Who reflect God's heart
- Who are changing the world, one person at a time
To me it felt like a direct message; maybe most good sermons speak to whatever challenge or fears you may be facing. But, I thought, what could be riskier, more God-honoring, more God-reflecting, and more world-changing than finding the courage to accept someone else's discarded child? I know what I am supposed to do - I just pray that God sticks with me on this one. I can't bear the thought of adding my name to the list of adults of people who have failed Tyler.
Monday, May 03, 2010
Now I'm REALLY going back to blogging.
So, now Sebastian is 6. Well, 6 AND A HALF, if you ask him. He wants a little brother. At 38 (and a half) I am in no condition to squeeze out more babies, so I let our foster care licensing social worker know that we though we were ready to become a "Flexible Family," willing to accept placements of children in hopes of finding one (or maybe more) to adopt.
Well, that was like 2 months ago. All of a sudden, my phone has been lit up by the placement worker at Washoe County Department of Social Services. She describes children who are in all different kinds of bad situations. One such child is a slightly developmentally disabled 2 year old. It is hard to tell her no, but we need to adhere somewhat to the vision we have for our family - where we have two or three sons (girls find adoptive parents more easily than boys) who are all not much younger than, but absolutely younger than, Sebastian.
Social Services called again - there's a boy named Tyler. He'll be 5 this month. There's not a lot they can tell me but that he's been in foster care for 2 years (this time around) and it's time to find him a forever family. His parents want him back - but with their history - it has been an uphill battle that WCSS says they will lose, shortly.
I didn't ask much about his specifics - what his health problems are, what he looks like. . . . I only asked if they believe that he can assimilate into a new family. They tried to be encouraging, but my guess is they just don't really know. They kept telling me how attached he is to his current foster family, which is a whole new topic.
So, the bottom line is, he is coming to live with us whether he wants to or not. (He doesn't). I get to meet him on Friday, May 7. I am terrified and excited. I hope he likes me but I know he doesn't want me. I pray that God is at work here and He will help me find the right things to say, or not say . . , do, or not do . . . to put this little guy as much at ease as possible.
Well, that was like 2 months ago. All of a sudden, my phone has been lit up by the placement worker at Washoe County Department of Social Services. She describes children who are in all different kinds of bad situations. One such child is a slightly developmentally disabled 2 year old. It is hard to tell her no, but we need to adhere somewhat to the vision we have for our family - where we have two or three sons (girls find adoptive parents more easily than boys) who are all not much younger than, but absolutely younger than, Sebastian.
Social Services called again - there's a boy named Tyler. He'll be 5 this month. There's not a lot they can tell me but that he's been in foster care for 2 years (this time around) and it's time to find him a forever family. His parents want him back - but with their history - it has been an uphill battle that WCSS says they will lose, shortly.
I didn't ask much about his specifics - what his health problems are, what he looks like. . . . I only asked if they believe that he can assimilate into a new family. They tried to be encouraging, but my guess is they just don't really know. They kept telling me how attached he is to his current foster family, which is a whole new topic.
So, the bottom line is, he is coming to live with us whether he wants to or not. (He doesn't). I get to meet him on Friday, May 7. I am terrified and excited. I hope he likes me but I know he doesn't want me. I pray that God is at work here and He will help me find the right things to say, or not say . . , do, or not do . . . to put this little guy as much at ease as possible.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Halloween Night
Sebastian was a skunk, officially (he chose the costume) but he had a little accident in his costume, so when it was in the dryer we let him wear the little turnout coat (like Uncle Jason's) that we found at a secondhand store with the helmet we picked up at a costume store. . .
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
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